LRO: The Land-Rover Bodied Bastard (Long and Bitter)

From: Brian Willoughby (lndrvr@ldd.net)
Date: Thu Apr 05 2001 - 13:53:30 EDT

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    I think that a vehicle properly restored to original condition or
    maintained from new in its original state is a considerably more difficult
    goal to accomplish than cutting one up and modifying it. If I had a nickel
    for every time I've been "advised" to exchange my early 2.25 for something
    else, I could probably buy another new chassis, though maintaining the
    original engine keeps the vehicle's history intact. Besides, I enjoy the
    challenge of tracking down rare parts that the engine swappers don't give
    two cents about: I even have a set of four long-out of production Lodge
    spark plugs for car show display purposes. (I could explain what Lodge
    spark plugs are and look like; however, those who care already know and
    those who are concerned about Iron Dukes will never understand.) With
    swapping engines, originality is out the window and nothing else really
    matters so why bother yourself with tracking down a correct turn signal
    lens. I have an idea that frequently some rare and valuable parts are
    discarded in the zeal and fury to create the perfect, ultimate, coolest,
    whatever Land-Rover-bodied bastard. I didn't buy a Land-Rover expecting it
    to be a perfect vehicle and I accepted it for what it was. People accept
    most other vehicles for what they are: why can't they do it with
    Land-Rovers?

    I think it would do some of these engine swapping kids good to be forced to
    read a history of the Rover Company Ltd. Mind you, I mean something
    concerning Rover as a whole and not just Land-Rover. I would like them to
    realize the company had a history prior to producing Land-Rovers, beginning
    with bicycle manufacture during the late 1800s and proceeding to building
    some of the first jet engines during World War II. Then after they've
    covered the pre-war history, they could research the mergers of all the
    automobile companies that formed British Leyland and finally proceed to
    BMW's buyout of Rover Group and then the selling and division of the
    remains to the subsequent purchase of the Land-Rover division by Ford.
    Perhaps if they'd do this they'd have a little more respect for their
    Land-Rovers and what they represent. Someone mentioned that Land-Rovers
    seemed to be intended to be disassembled (and consequently modified) due to
    their simple, Mecanno-set style construction. Apparently, the prevailing
    wisdom is that the Wilkes brothers envisioned any and every conceivable
    engine being shoehorned into Land-Rovers someday. I guess the fact that
    Rover, like most other automobile producers in post-war Britain, was
    strapped for funds and that they couldn't afford to produce complicated
    body panels had nothing to do with the design of the vehicle. It was all
    done to accommodate Iron Dukes! Thanks to all the engine swappers for
    setting the record straight! I'm sure that Maurice Wilkes is smiling down
    on these ultimate Land-Rover-bodied bastards since they have corrected all
    of his mistakes.

    I'm sure that in 1948 Maurice remarked, "You know, this vehicle is a heap
    of crap and, quite honestly, I'm ashamed of it. My conscience is also
    bothering me: these things are going to have a high selling price and they
    are so flawed and irregular--simply trash. Though that's okay. We
    designed them so that the people who buy them will be able to make their
    own modifications and change them 'round. Nevertheless, it still seems a
    pity to ask such a high price for the things and then expect people to be
    forced to go out and have to purchase another engine to replace these
    worthless lumps we're installing. Alas, I'm certain that 20 year old kids
    in the year 2001 will understand that we so poorly engineered these things
    that they have to be rebuilt by their owners to be any good." Of course,
    Maurice Wilkes didn't say that and if the factory-stock Land-Rover had been
    as bad as some people make them out to be, Rover wouldn't have ever sold a
    single unit. For that matter, Rover, much less Land-Rover, would probably
    have never survived.

    All this engine swapping nonsense shows a complete lack of understanding of
    Rover's history and how the Land-Rover came about. I guess that's what
    happens when people buy them because they "look cool". The cool looks wear
    thin after a short while and they can't and don't satisfy these peoples'
    need for a modern car and, thus, they start in on engine conversions. It's
    too bad that perspective buyers can't rent a Series Land-Rover for a couple
    of weeks to find out if they really do want one. (Before any of you get
    any ideas, I thought of this renting scheme first!) I have an idea that
    most would shy away from them and be asking for a refund, probably before
    the lease contract had more than a few days used up. (Personally, if I had
    such a Land-Rover leasing business, I'd only rent them out during December
    and January and make certain that the only heater allowed to be installed
    in my fleet would be the infamous Smiths shin-burners. I'd also only rent
    Is, IIs and IIAs with no overdrives and the earlier transmissions with
    unsynchronized first and second gears. That ought to cure the "man those
    things look cool" crowd in no time.)

    About seven years ago, being an admirer of all things Rover, I nearly
    bought a '66 Rover 2000SC from a college student: it had been bought
    merely based on the fact that it "was funky". The idiot hadn't a clue
    about how to care for the car and used DOT 3 to top off the fluid
    reservoir. Naturally, the rubber in the brake system quickly
    self-destructed and to alleviate the problem, a bottle of "Heavy Duty DOT
    3" was purchased (I found the bottle in the boot.) Of course, the car
    wouldn't stop and since the kid was too dumb and proud to ask a question or
    try to analyze what had gone wrong, the car was for sale as someone else's
    problem to solve. The deal fell through and I later found out that a
    salvage yard was called to haul the car away. I was told the kid got paid
    $25 for the "funky car." The moral is that if the kid had bother to learn
    something about the car, it might still be on the road rather than having
    been crushed. What a shame, it was a really nice, original P6.

    Hot rods hold no appeal for me. I was en route to Asheville, NC about a
    year ago and decided to stay over in Pigeon Forge, TN and drive through the
    Smokies to get to Asheville. Unbeknownst to me, there was a hot rod meet
    going on and the things were everywhere--like flies on fresh... Anyhow,
    being a car nut, I felt that I had to take a few minutes to at least look
    at the ones in the hotel parking lot before I left. There they were:
    Fords with Chevy engines, Chryslers with Ford engines and Chevys with Ford
    powerplants, etc. The interiors were completely modified and basically the
    cars were unidentifiable save for the body shells they were built up from.
    Some were for sale and I couldn't believe the asking prices. Needless to
    say, there were few buyers and I walked away wondering how a price could be
    set on these contraptions. What's a 1940s Chevy bodyshell with a
    late-model Ford engine and a Pontiac rear end worth? Who knows. One thing
    I was surprised to learn was that there are companies out there that
    essentially sell their customers all the parts needed to "build up" certain
    cars that are popular hot rod targets. Build a hot rod by the numbers, or
    something like that. At least this ensures that some level of proper
    engineering goes into the end result. In the midst of all these hot rods
    was a lost looking and completely stock Triumph TR6. I spent more time
    examining it than all the hundreds of Yank Tank hot rods combined.

    The thing that bothers me about these homemade hybrids is that they are not
    being designed by automotive engineers. For that matter, they're not even
    being approached in a very scientific manner at all. Engineering or
    re-engineering a car is not for amateurs; for that matter, even the experts
    can develop things that are deathtraps (the grossly overpowered Sunbeam
    Tiger and A.C. Cobra are prime examples of a legitimate [i.e.
    factory-built] hybrids that could be downright dangerous in the hands of an
    inexperienced driver.) I have to seriously question the abilities of some
    of the people currently contemplating re-engineering their Land-Rovers. Do
    these people have the capabilities to perform testing with computer models
    of how all their modifications will work out? I doubt it. They certainly
    can't build a series prototypes to help envision what the finished
    product's dynamics will be like. Most car companies build test mule after
    mule in an attempt to get everything right. With these amateur engine
    swaps, it's simply a matter of do it and hope for the best. And what
    happens when they fail to create the ultimate Land-Rover-bodied bastard?
    It will be difficult to find a buyer for the thing who wants to drive it
    (especially if the truth is revealed about what a mess the vehicle is) and,
    sadly, prices for scrap iron and aluminum have plummeted in recent years.

    Someone mentioned that these "hybrids" are an essential part of
    Land-Rover's history--that the make's history has been recorded and written
    with these creations as an integral part thereof. I would argue that they
    are not even a footnote. Does the Motor Heritage Trust go out seeking
    hacked up Land-Rovers with Iron Dukes in them? Hardly. What is in their
    collection? Vehicles like HUE 166--which was bought back from a farmer who
    had owned and used it for years and hadn't "re-engined" it. Does anyone
    ever discussed these vehicles after the fact? I've never heard anyone
    concerning themselves about John Q. Public's Volkswagen-diesel powered
    Land-Rover bodied bastard after John Q. does his conversion--no one cares
    after a few months or years. If these things are so important in the
    greater scheme of Land-Rover history, why aren't they detailed and
    discussed in depth in books dealing with Land-Rover history? Could it be
    because they aren't part of the history that the manufacturer was
    responsible for? Obviously, the manufacturer (as well as many others) does
    not recognize the Land-Rover-bodied bastards as being Land-Rovers and why
    should they? They aren't anything more than a Land-Rover bodyshell in the
    end.

    Speaking of hot rods, there's an interesting one locally--it's based on a
    Citroen 15CV. Yes, it's fascinating that someone put a Chevy engine and
    rear end in it, though what a shame to chop up what is a quite scarce car
    on this side of the Atlantic. In this transition, it's lost all of its
    original French charm that made it uniquely Citroen; now it's just a
    collection of parts. Hell, it's even lost its famous "traction avant" in
    this futile attempt to create a better Big 15. Is there a single auto
    museum that would want this thing in their collection? I doubt the Henry
    Ford Museum or Harrah's have been in contact. Basically, that's the
    problem with cutting up and mutilating a Land-Rover: what these Land-Rover
    engine swappers are doing is creating collections of unrelated parts that
    have no value except to their owners and no provenance. These conversions
    have no future because they have no regard for the past.

    Brian Willoughby
    1960 Land-Rover Series II 88" S.W.--"The Lady Eleanor"



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