Articles By Mike Rooth

Dieselphobia

You are domiciled in Soggie England/Wales/Scotland? Worry not, thy ignition is assured,yea even if thou venture deep into Ontario mud thy plugs,they foul not nor thy coil letteth thee deep into the plonker.And your battery,being wondrous large,will assist any two of these petroleum spirit powered contrivances to commence, both at the same time.(Footnote,is this a gang bang?). (Second footnote:more possibly a gang of bangers). What other form of prime mover will automatically lubricate your chassis when the fuel tank commences to leak? Ah,I have you there! And when the snow lies deep and crisp and...well you know.. consider,if you will,the simple pleasures of the outdoor life, as will become obvious when you light a bonfire under the fuel tank,thus warming your hands,even though your posterior be a fetching shade of blue. And then again,when motoring upon the Queen's Highway,should you consider the dear little old lady following in her horseless carriage to be following at an unseemly *close* proximity, the solution lies at your own right foot. Pushed suddenly floorwards, a cloud of black smoke will appear as in a miracle,both obscuring her from your gaze,and allowing you to proceed at the stately pace which is your right and privilege, providing unrivalled views of the surrounding scenery,and not attracting the unwelcome attentions of the local constabulary,viv-a-vis the *dreadful* crime of scorching.

Indeed,a delight to all the senses,is the Compression Ignition power unit. Listen to the happy clatter of all four injectors,smell the heady delights of Heavy Fuel Oil post combustion,adjust the Hand Accelerator Lever to a suitable position,and recline at your ease. Ah bliss! And if,heaven forfend,you should suffer a (whisper) malfunction,far from means of succor and assistance, a little Heavy Fuel Oil added to a quantity of dry tinderand ignited will provide a suitable column of black smoke such as will enable you to summon help.It is,however, in circumstances such as these,advisable to have about your person a Navajo phrase book.